I am much later in posting this than I would have liked, but better late than never!
Firstly, Happy New Year!!!!
Secondly, please tell me I am not alone in that weird space between the last year and this year, where you want to be motivated but somehow you cannot find that motivation.
Since the turn of the year, I have been feeling the worst I think I have ever felt. I have been so low energy, unmotivated, and all I want to do is lay on the couch and eat all the greasy food and watch The Office on repeat. The reason this post is so late is because I have been dragging my feet to do it… and this blog is so much fun for me and my little escape from reality. Even reading was getting too much at times…
It’s been awful but I had woken up today with a little more air in my chest, a little more light shinning on my face, and have found that scrap of energy and motivation to write this blog post!
To be fair, for a few days, I did lay around mopping and doing nothing… and even now, I am still feeling a little off, but I am hoping that as the days go on, the motivation does come back.
I will also say that I am so flipping happy that 2020 is officially over! Hopefully 2021 will be nothing like the year before, and the excitement we feel for a brighter year remains as strong as it can be!
New Years Eve is one of my favourite times, since I could remember… I loved the idea of shedding away the past, entering something brand freaking new, and setting out the things I want to achieve. I don’t always succeed in it, but having that drive to improve is something I cherish when I do feel that way.
When I looked back at 2020, for some reason I didn’t see accomplishments right away, or the strength that pushed me through to the end. I saw, like most people, the awfulness of this year.
I saw the struggle. I saw the pain and headache. I saw the uncertainty, sadness, and how life had set me back and I am in the same spot I was in this time last year, almost like nothing has changed despite my efforts and hopes that it would. Halfway through thinking like this, I opened up my New Years post last year and read through it. I realized then that one of my ultimate goals… I actually accomplished.
In 2020, I set out to:
1) Have my first draft completed. That’s it. Complete that rough, horrible, first of many, draft that has been gnawing at me for years and years.
I DID THAT! I finished my first official draft! Is it the best? Fuck no! But it is completed and I did that after many years of trying and attempting and letting self-doubt win!
2) Update my progress more and connect with the writing community. I want to write more posts to this blog about books, and make up, and writing. Communicate more with others who are working towards their own writing goals and have a love for reading and beauty!
I kind of did that!! I was a bit quieter these last few months as I was transitioning into a new job, but I have been so lucky and happy to have joined such a wonderful community of people and let that drive all my posts! I updated rather frequently and posted about things I truly adored and wanted to chat about!
3) Read at least 4 books a month. (I feel this is the easiest goal to accomplish, because I usually read more books per week but, for the sake of making manageable goals, having room for adjustments is the best way to ensure it gets done).
This is a half a point? I did read a lot more this year than last year (need to update my goodreads!) and while I didn’t really meet that goal, I was devouring books I loved and escaping into worlds that have transformed my life!
4) Actually get into shape!!! (I know, everyone and their mother basically says this come January 1st, but seriously, I am in the worst shape ever, to the point where I swear I hear my stomach curse me sometimes).
HAHAHA… can we skip this one? Ok so no, not at all accomplished, but I did make healthier choices, and I did have about two months in quarantine where I did work out almost every single day. Not bad… but not at all where I wanted to be.
5) Live every day to these two quotes:
“Comfort, the enemy of progress.” I heard this quote from The Greatest Showman which I recently watched a few weeks ago (I know I am so late and hate myself for it!!). Immediately, I felt that quote. Like deep in my gut. As someone who is anxious and reliant on my comfort zone more than normal, this quote spoke such truth. I want to be braver and work harder beyond my own comfort to be able to achieve everything I want to and more!
“So long as you fight the darkness, you stand in the light.” This wonderful quote is from A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir. I have a sticker of it in one of my journals that I started using for this year. The minute I saw it, I remembered how much I love this quote. How much it applies to so many aspects of my life that I saw in the past year and many I’m sure to see in the coming one. Darkness of self-doubt when it comes to writing, or anger when it comes to life being life, or sadness when it comes to loss and pain. To fight it daily, constantly, always… the light will burn bright.
I think this one is the one I did the most of. These two quotes did guide me a lot more than I thought they did. I consciously remembered them and put in the effort to apply them to situations that kept me from moving forward. I don’t even think I can fully explain what they did for me, but for someone with anxiety and their mind is their worst enemy, these quotes helped reshape my thoughts and kept me thinking of what was really important in times of doubt!
Looking back, I can now see that I did accomplish more than I thought. And more so, we all did. It was a tough year, and one we wouldn’t miss too soon, but we survived! We made it to the end, and we struggled, and lost, and felt our worst at times, but in the end we stood. We remain standing!
It’s this kind of life moment, that inspire some of the greatest adventure stories we’ve read and some of the greatest authors we’ve embraced!
So… in 2021…
1) Have my novel edited to the best of my ability!! Now that I have finished that first draft, I want to have a complete, edited, and ready for query draft by this time next year!
2) Practice self-care! We needed a lot of that in 2020, and as much as I want to believe 2021 will solve all our problems, reality is it won’t. At least not right away. So I want to take all the baths, read all the books that make my heart happy, write all the blog posts that inspire me to keep going in writing and reading and life. Take time off when I need it without looking for a reason.
3) Realize toxic behaviours in myself (overthinking and anxiety induced stress) and others, and work hard to stay away from negativity. – It is so easy to say, but something so hard to do. I think it’s immensely important to keep working on yourself, and as someone with mental health issues, this one is a big one for me and I want to get to a point of managing it properly. So I hope this year, I get a little closer to that!
4) Read 20 books this year! LOL! I know, I know, that is such a low number for a book blogger! I am only saying this because I had a goal of reading 4 a month last year and maybe did 2-3 every two months or so… Aiming low this year so I can hopefully achieve more!
5) Live every day by this quote:
““We are all dealt a hand at birth. A good hand can ultimately lose – just as a poor hand can win – but we must all play the cards the fate deals. The choices we face may not be the choices we want, but they are choices nonetheless.”
― Brigid Kemmerer, A Curse So Dark and Lonely
That book was one of the best reads for me in 2020. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it came to me in a time when I was really in need of a good book to escape. This quote hit me differently when I read it. I even wrote it down as soon as I finished saying the words. It put perspective in my mind. Sometimes, the hands dealt are the hands dealt and we can only control how we react, how we choose, and what we make of what fate put in our path. We have to keep moving forward.
I would love to hear your thoughts on the new year! Your resolutions, if you’ve made any? And most importantly, I want to know about all the accomplishments you had in 2020, no matter how big or small!
I hope this year treats you kindly and brings you the best of fates! I hope, if you are like me right now and these days seem to be getting tougher, that the light shines brighter at the end of the tunnel reminding you to keep striding ahead!