December 14th, 2020
This is a loooong overdue post and I can’t even begin to explain why I’ve been so silent on this blog and basically all socials recently… I’ll try though.
I started a new job around the end of October (thankfully considering like most people I have been unemployed since the pandemic hit – note if you are struggling trust me something will come your way soon enough!). This job gave me such a hard time in trying to find some semblance of a routine that worked for me and didn’t have me crawling to the bed every evening from sheer tiredness. Then one thing after the other happened, family, friends, life and it was just problems after problems because well… it is 2020 (seriously when will this year end)! Not to mention being at the edge of my seat for my neighbours to the South in America who were finally finally getting rid of the toxicity running their country. And feeling so guilty because I haven’t picked up a book since mid October and I missed reading so much.
So all in all, it’s been a wild couple of weeks or so. But, I am back and more ready than ever to start posting all the holiday fun themed bookish and beauty bits!!
Starting with a sad and truly embarrassing admission… I have not touched my first ROUGH draft of my WIP since I completed it on September 1st.
Hard to admit, harder to come to terms with, especially when I am always claiming it’s okay to be nervous, afraid, and unsure about your writing as long as you keep going. Well I did not ‘keep going’. I have been so terrified of looking at it. It is daunting to open up that manuscript and dive into shaping the book to be what you always wanted it to be. Most people LOVE this part… and I know I will too once I get over this hurdle (that I know, only I’ve placed on myself). I just can’t seem to push myself.
I keep wondering…. what if it isn’t going to get better? What if somehow it gets worse than it is now and it’s already in horrible shape? What if I don’t have the capabilities to get it to where it needs to be? What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail?
These thoughts twirled in my mind for days on end, keeping me away from the word document as if it would jump out of my laptop and strangle me. I talked it out with friends, family, and even to myself on occasion, trying to force myself to jump into it. I couldn’t.
To be honest, I still haven’t touched it.
Then yesterday, my hubs said something, well, really the same thing he always says to me… what if everything you think is true?
He goes. “What if yeah, it gets worse? Would that stop you? Would it have been a waste?”
I didn’t know what to think. He had a point. I loved writing so much that even if it stunk, even if I had no talent, I would still keep doing it… maybe not as often or as a solid career choice… but I would write until my dying day.
Not gonna lie, even after this realization, it still is a lot of pressure to go into this book, to tear it apart, break it down to what it’s meant to be. Being published is all I want… but how could I ever know if I don’t try. And not trying is the worst thing you can do to yourself.
It took me a long ass time to learn this, but truly nothing but you can stop you.
And I have stopped me for long enough now.
If you’re also tackling writing or editing your book, please let me know what tips helped you get over that initial fear to jump into it!
I am off to bite the bullet and attempt to edit that first chapter… wish me luck!
And don’t let fear win!
I won’t anymore.
And if anyone has some tips and tricks on how to overcome fear, please comment below! A girl needs all the help she can get at this point!!Or if anyone else get like this, about writing or any other passion projects, also let me know.
Now to the part of this post I am sure everyone is waiting for…. the winner of the giveaway is….
Honestly, I couldn’t be happier with the random selector’s choice! Alynn has been such a wonderful person to talk with on this blog and has given me some amazing encouragement and book recs!
Congrats lovely!!! I will be reaching out to you soon!!!
Thank you to everyone who participated – as mentioned there will be another giveaway later on in the month!!!