Monday July 20, 2020
Today’s post was meant to be a book review that now got pushed to later in the week, as I really really need to write out the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for the last three weeks.
In my last writing update, I talked about how I am on track to finishing the first official draft of my WIP, the same one that has been gnawing me for years and years, on July 31st! I am still slowing working away at doing that although I do have to change my deadline a little bit. This is due to the reason I am typing this blog post out…
Your health, whether it be mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, needs to be your #1 priority.
I learned this more than ever before over the last couple of days.
YOUR HEALTH MATTERS! YOU MATTER!
If there is even one person who reads this or knows this blog exists, then this is the lesson I hope reaches them.
This may not be of interest to anyone, and that’s okay! I try to be as uplifting as I can when talking about my dreams of being an author, or make-up and skincare, or books and the joy they bring. Being positive also means, to me anyway, digging at the things that suck and reminding yourself and others of the ability to rise up above it all. It’s fucking hard to do that sometimes but there are more important things that should be driving you. Your overall health is one of those things.
My personal life has taken a little bit of a shift and I have been trying hard to push through. For the most part, I have been successful. Recently though, it got a little bit too much. I found myself having to explain myself to people who didn’t deserve an explanation. I found that I have had to share more than I wanted to share in order to not get judged or looked at a certain way or God forbid thought of as a liar. I kept telling myself that maybe it’s in my head or my anxiety is leading me to overthink but even if that was the case, it’s all due to the reactions I’ve received in the past. I wouldn’t think those things without a reason.
Now, this is not necessarily about writing… it’s just personal shit going on in my life, but these things have deterred me from looking inward on what matters, which is protecting my mental health, and pouring myself into something that makes me truly happy like storytelling. I felt like I had to watch my back and be something for people who 1) would never change their opinions of me and 2) didn’t matter at the end of the day. Sometimes I say “oh I don’t care about them, I’ll just live my life” and sometimes I believe it but really it’s tough to follow through on your words when negativity is constantly around.
I struggle with mental health issues and having this energy around me has not helped me get where I want to be in managing both depression and anxiety. The things I once loved were getting harder to do and enjoy. Writing really took a hit the last three days specifically and no matter how much I tried, it was hard to put words to the page. I kept telling myself it’s only for a while, it’ll pass, it’s okay this happens and I need to take time off every now and then but that ultimately didn’t help. The guilt of not writing, of getting worked up over other’s opinions of me, of having to overthink everything before I took action was too much.
I just truly wanted to let everyone who is struggling to make a dream work that you’re not alone in the shit that happens out there. While my issues may not be grand compared to other more serious ones, it’s still my troubles and in respect to me they are big. It’s okay that you’re not okay.
I have accepted this myself and vowed to do right by my self first and foremost. Not in a selfish way at all, but in a way that allows me to live my life happily instead of for anyone else or the wrong reasons.
Maybe this is me just spieling and my own form of therapy at this point, but I just want to say that as long as you are happy, as long as your dreams are something you are passionate about, as long as your health is being taken care of then that’s all that matters.
I hope everyone has a wonderful week! I hope you overcome some of the useless shit in your life and become better through it all! See you in the next, much lighter and brighter, blog post!